Road Trip
by StellatheAlchemist
Summary: After a convenient (Or perhaps inconvenient) series of train derailments, the military gang are forced to drive all the way to West City for a joint training session, along with a quick detour for cookies. Can they stand being in a car together without going insane? (Mangaverse, around 1913. Slightly crackish. Lightly hinted Royai, but what else is new?)
1. Chapter 1

**((Alright, this story's going to be a lot of fun! Inspired mainly by this piece of perfection here: post/87065448752/chewytriforce-aahh-ruinsofxerxes-and-i-talked And of course, thanks to my dear wifey for the suggestion of the whole cookies thing.  
Also, for the record, I totally made up Brimford. It's probably not a real town in Amestris. Or maybe it is, we'll never know.))**

"Geez, the colonel's really been slacking off again..."

Breda sighed and flipped through the pile of paperwork on the table, looking at it with distaste.

"Do we really have to do all these?" Fuery whined.

"I guess so, seeing as Mustang certainly won't," Havoc replied annoyedly. "Still, even working together this is going to take ages... How has he managed to put this stuff off for this long..?"

"Come to think of it, where's the major?" Fuery asked.

As soon as he finished saying that, the office door was thrown open.

"GOOD MORNING, FRIENDS!"

"Well speak of the devil," Falman mumbled.

"Morning, major," Havoc said casually, raising a hand in greeting as he considered whether or not it would be easier to just "accidentally" drop the paperwork down a sewer grate.

"Alright, does anyone else smell cookies or am I hallucinating?" Breda asked suspiciously.

"Nonsense! I brought cookies!" Armstrong announced. "My sister made them!" With that, he placed a (very) large platter of cookies on the table.

"Good, we're going to need a lot of cookies to survive this," Havoc said, reaching for the cookies.

After some more collective groaning and mumbled complaints, the group of soldiers slowly but surely began to make progress on the daunting piles of paperwork. Soon after, the Elric brothers arrived.

"Why are you guys- Ooh, cookies!" Ed exclaimed, grabbing a large handful of the treats. Genius though he may be, the world's youngest state alchemist was very easily distracted by food.

"Hey, Ed. Wanna help us do Mustang's paperwork?" Breda asked sarcastically.

"No way," Ed replied, rolling his eyes and reaching for another cookie. "Hey, these are pretty good."

"Really? And here I thought surely you must hate the piles of cookies you just shoved in your face," Havoc said innocently.

"Oh, shut up!"

"They're not as good as the ones my mom makes, though," Fuery commented.

"Really? Amue's chocolate chip cookies are quite notorious," Armstrong replied, stroking his moustache thoughtfully.

"I've never had cookies that are better than my mom's," Fuery insisted, nodding.

"I'd be willing to bet against that," Breda said casually.

"Yeah, there's no way they can be better than these," Ed agreed. _Of course, mom's were better..._

"I'll bet you 1500 cenz they're not as good as these," Havoc announced.

"Your funeral," Fuery said confidently.

Suddenly, the door to the inner office opened. Hawkeye exited the room, shot an annoyed glance back at it, and then closed the door. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she straightened the papers in her hand and prepared to make an announcement.

"Everyone, a joint training session with the West City branch has been scheduled for the 24th," she informed the room. "And yes, Edward, you do have to come."

Everyone simultaneously let out sighs of frustration.

"Do I HAVE to?" Ed whined.

"Yes, you do," Roy interrupted, emerging from his office. "...Where'd the cookies come from?" he asked suspiciously.

"The major brought them," Havoc replied.

"Man, this is gonna suck," Ed complained.

"Come on, brother. It can't be THAT bad," Al said, somewhat sympathetic. "It's only for a few days."

"You'd think they would have given us more notice, though," Breda commented. "With all those train derailings lately, it'll be impossible to get there by train..."

"I guess we have no choice but to drive," Roy said reluctantly.

"Don't tell me I have to sit in a car with YOU," Ed moaned.

"For several hours," Breda added. "West City is pretty far."

Ed threw a cookie at him.

"Hey, Fuery. Where does your mom live?" Falman asked.

"Brimford, why?" Fuery replied confusedly.

"Look," Falman said, pointing out a location on a map of the western region. "That's not too far from West City. We can make a short detour and probably still be on time," he explained.

"And why exactly would we do that?" Roy asked, looking somewhat annoyed.

"Fuery claims that his mom makes better cookies than Armstrong's sister," Havoc told him. "The rest of us are betting against him. This way, we can prove we're right."

"I'll finally win a bet for once," Fuery added.

"Absolutely not," Riza began. "We are not going to be late simply for the sake of-"

"Well if there are cookies involved, I suppose we have no choice," Roy announced, a serious look on his face.

"Colonel, are you serious?" Riza interrupted. "You're supposed to be a responsible leader. Don't encourage this sort of behavior."

"I am, and it's my responsibility to not deprive my men of cookies."

Riza threw her hands up in the air. "I give up. This country is doomed," She announced.


	2. Chapter 2

**((Sorry it took me so long to finish this chapter, but it's also super long, so hopefully that makes up for it. Guest appearance from Rebecca, who is awesome and deserves more appreciation.))**

It was 11:00 on Friday morning. The military gang had gathered in the parking lot outside East HQ. Rebecca was there as well, to see them off. They were dressed fairly casually; As many of them had learned during Ishval, long car rides in hot, stiff military uniforms weren't exactly fun. The only exceptions were Ed, who wore his usual outfit, and Al, who... Well, if you don't know what's up with him you should probably do less reading of fanfictions and more reading of the actual manga.

"So what's the plan, Colonel?" Havoc asked, lighting up a cigarette.

"Well, we've got three cars," Roy announced. "Mine, Hawkeye's, and Armstrong's. We'll have to decide who's going in what car."

"Can I drive?" Ed asked excitedly.

"NO," Everyone immediately shouted.

"You don't even know HOW to drive," Al pointed out.

"So what?"

"Which brings me to another important point: Whichever car it is, the Elrics will be going with me," Roy decided.

"What?! Why?!" Ed demanded.

"To keep you out of trouble," Roy replied. "And because nobody else should have to suffer the pain of being in a car with you for two days."

"Why, you-"

"In that case, I'm coming too," Riza interrupted.

"Of course, and- Wait, what do you mean 'In that case'?" Roy asked, this time it was his turn to be confused and offended.

"To keep you out of trouble, of course."

There was a resounding "Ooooh" from the other soldiers, until Riza shot a glare at them and they shut up.

"...I can handle myself," Roy insisted lamely, his face blushing bright red.

"And here I thought you were too old to need a babysitter, Mustang," Ed teased, smirking.

"Shut up!"

"Also, we're taking my car," Riza continued.

"Why? What's wrong with my car?" Roy demanded. In reply, Riza merely gestured towards his car.

It was at least 10 years old, and probably used. It was rather beaten up, with dents, rust, flaking paint, and what were no doubt scorch marks. The tires were worn down, and the interior was in no good condition either; The upholstery was torn and stained and taped back together and torn some more, and the passenger seat was occupied by piles of newspapers, food wrappers, assorted trash, and old paperwork (No surprise there).

"I'll also be the one driving," she said, adding insult to injury. Roy opened his mouth to say something, but she interrupted him. "Before you say anything, I've seen how you drive and I don't approve, especially with the kids in the car."

"Man, she is just brutal today," Havoc whispered, glancing nervously at Riza. The others silently nodded in agreement. (Except for Rebecca, who was holding back laughter.)

"...Anything else you'd like to tell me, lieutenant?" Roy asked sullenly, gritting his teeth in irritation and crossing his arms.

"No sir, that will be all," Riza replied calmly.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, before Armstrong hesitantly broke the silence.

"My car has room for one more person," he said.

"Not it," Havoc immediately announced. Fuery elbowed him.

"I think I'll take the colonel's car," Breda decided. "Driving in that thing would be an adventure."

"I'll go with them," Fuery added.

"I guess that leaves you," Havoc said, nodding towards Falman.

"Why me?!" Falman demanded.

"WONDERFUL! Come, warrant officer Falman! This will be a memorable trip indeed!" Armstrong exclaimed, ignoring Falman's protests as he dragged him to the car. "Farewell, friends! We shall see you in West City!"

"Bye," Al replied cheerfully, waving.

"Try not to die," Ed advised.

"Does he even know how to get there?" Fuery asked worriedly.

"That's doubtful," Breda replied.

"...Should we do something?"

"Nah, they'll be fine," Havoc decided.

"We should probably get going as well," Roy decided, glancing at his watch. "We've got a long drive ahead, best to leave as early as possible."

"I call shotgun!" Ed announced, running towards the passenger door. Roy stopped him by grabbing his hood.

"No, you're sitting in the back," he said firmly.

"You're not big enough to sit in the front, Brother," Al added innocently.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Ed shrieked, struggling to get away from his superior officer. Roy expertly held Ed at arm's length and quickly got in the passenger seat, slamming the door before Ed had a chance to react.

"Fine! Whatever! I'd rather sit with Al anyway!" Ed shouted, and threw himself angrily into the back seat, still fuming. Al calmly sat down next to him.

Meanwhile, Riza handed Rebecca Hayate's leash.

"Don't forget to walk him every day, don't let him on the furniture, make sure he goes through all his tricks before eating and if he misbehaves point a gun at him," she listed.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Rebecca replied, shrugging. "Leave it to me. You just worry about that useless Mustang."

"I heard that," Roy shouted from the car. Rebecca smiled cheekily.

"Thanks," Riza said, giving Rebecca a grateful look. Then she bent down to pet Hayate.

"You be good for Rebecca, ok?" she told him, hugging her dog. Hayate barked and licked Riza's face.

"I'll see you next week," Riza said, standing up to hug Rebecca goodbye.

"Bye Riza, have a safe trip," Rebecca replied.

Finally Riza got in the car, and after a little arguing, they were off.

"Bye! Don't kill anyone!" Rebecca called cheerfully, waving.

"I'll try not to," Riza laughed, waving out the window as they drove off. Hayate barked farewell.

"I guess that leaves us," Havoc observed. "Who's driving?"

"Not me, I can't drive," Fuery admitted.

"I like driving," Breda said casually.

"You can drive, then," Havoc decided. Fuery nodded in agreement, and they all got in the car.

"See you guys next week," Rebecca said, waving.

There was silence for a few minutes.

"...Does anyone have the keys?" Breda asked awkwardly.

"Aw, shit," Havoc exclaimed, smacking himself in the forehead. "I knew we were forgetting something..."

Fuery sighed. "I guess I'll have to hotwire it..." He gingerly climbed over the front seat and attempted to reach underneath the console, knocking over piles of junk.

"Um... Aren't you guys gonna leave?" Rebecca asked confusedly, poking her head through the window.

"The colonel forgot to give us his keys," Breda explained annoyedly. "Fuery's trying to hotwire it."

"Tough luck," Rebecca replied, giving him an apologetic look. "Well I'm going to take Hayate for a walk... Good luck with the car!"

"Bye lieutenant Catalina," Fuery called from underneath the seat. A stack of paperwork fell on top of him.

"Aha! Got it!" he announced. The car roared to life with an unusually loud screech and started shaking.

"Geez, what a piece of junk," Havoc complained. "Better not fall apart on us..."

"I'm blaming Mustang if it does," Fuery announced, wiping his hands on his pants and sitting down.

With that, they were off.


End file.
